Oneshot: Afterlife of Deidara
by Penelope Loc
Summary: An indirect sequel to "A ClockWork Turd." Cartman tries to get rid of the next door neighbor in their summer home, who he considers a hippie, while Deidara gets revenge on Bubbles from the prequel. Rated M for language, sexual and dark jokes, and well, being South Parksque. Reviews are still appreciated


"I'm telling you! He's a goddamn hippie!"

Eric Cartman was discussing about his next door neighbor in his summer home with Kyle Broflovski, Stan Marsh, and Kenny McCormick. The four friends are spending the summer in Floroc, the setting of the first fan fiction. Because it was designed by a cartoonist, things in Floroc run on butt hurt, and characters of all sorts, when ether dead, alive, published, or unpublished physically co-exist .

"Dude! You shouldn't try to chase him out! We only come here every summer, while he stays year round!"

"yah yoo phatass," muffled Kenny.

"Well, who in the world keeps his grass six feet long, grows his hair past his butt, and doesn't own a stable job, huh?!" demanded Cartman, "The only thing worse than Jews, would be those goddamn hippies!"

"Shut the fuck up, fattass!" yelled Kyle.

Just so you know these wonderful children are talking about Deidara, who resides here, as this is his afterlife destination. No, Floroc is not purgatory; just a city that breaks the boundaries of existence.

On this fine morning, Mistah Deidara opens his front door. Everything is in order: grass six feet (two meters) long (because the shitty cartoonist kept redrawing it that way after he mows it), landmines to keep little children out are in place,_ annd_ the usual pile of shit that the little fat pimple next doors leaves every morning-yep, check. Yeah, sure that'll usually ruin someone's life if that was done everyday, but it seems that Deidara's life couldn't get any worse, no, not after the TurdyFly incident.

_Flashback_

In the previous fan fiction, _A Clockwork Turd_, there was this thing called, _'Ground Pellets' _(Made With 30% TurdyFly).Those things are actually used to kill plants, not make them grow better, because TurdyFlies can kill off actual flies, with their smelly little presence alone. With six feet (two meter) grass that never fails to regrow to original height the next day, Sir Deidara decided to kill it off with _Ground Pellets' _(Made With 30% TurdyFly). However, Bubbles Monoxide and his buddies decided to make him pay for using their dead ancestor's bodies, nearly killing him a second time. After he was released from the hospital, his savings were a bottomless hole, so Deidara had to do some paid volunteer work, or like they call it, requests. Thus, he created a giant bird statue that everyone looked in awe. That was, until Bubbles decided to commit suicide, and fly into the statue, creating the very first stain on it. So then, everyone started to cater to a damn poo with wings, abandoning the grand opening, only to remember the statue as a giant pigeon that ironically got shitted on first.

_End of Flashback_

That flashback reminded our long haired character of what he's going to do to Bubbles as payback.

"Oh! I remembered what I was going to do to Bubbles as payback, hmm!"

Anyway, Mistah Deidara went to the post office, carrying a suspicious package, sent for the Monoxide residence in the west side compost area. As he waited in line to send it, a security officer took one glance at the box he was holding.

"Come with me, miss."

"_Shit," thought Deidara._

So this was how Deidara ended up in the security office, where the officers are determining whether he was sending a bomb or not.

"You do realize that if you're trying to kill someone in that community, then it's considered a hate crime, because TurdyFlies are a minority race, right?"

"Sir, I am fully aware of that. I would never try to commit a hate crime, because I have a very small penis, hmm," fibbed Deidara.

"What!?"

"I mean, I am very amazed of your kind's penis size; so big. I, myself, am a very simple man with a microscopic penis, in which I cannot hope to achieve much with."

"He must have a very small one, then," snickered a lady co-worker.

Deidara was about to blow her up in a fit of rage. However, he remembered his long term incentive, and started producing crocodile tears.

"Oh don't worry kid," assured the security officer, "You've proven yourself to be very innocent; we'll get that package delivered for you."

And thus, the suspicious package was sent, along with the rumor that it came from a guy with a very small dong, to the TurdyFlies on the west side.

"If it is a human that has a very small, penis, then it's probably still bigger than ours," said Papa Monoxide.

"The address isn't even on the package!" Mama pointed out.

"Don't worry, said Bubbles, "I have a good idea of who it came from."

Bubbles and his current friends then prepared to set off to return the package to Deidara, as our grudge-filled character watched. You, see, Mistah Deidara is a bomb expert, and can manually set off bombs with a verbal command. Seeing that they did not fell for it, he gave the command:

"KATSU!"

The cocktail bomb blew up. First came out carbon monoxide as to suffocate the intended target.

"Can't breathe!" gasped out Farty.

"Come On!" let's rush to the most concentrated source of oxygen!" cried Sick.

Our poopy friends, along with other TurdyFlies who were caught in the explosion, then rushed to the nearest concentrated oxygen source. Deidara, being Deidara, had a backup plan; in that cocktail bomb, if the target survives, then the microscopic C4 molecules in it can fly in through respiratory functions, in which he could activate with the verbal command. As he was about to do that-

"Hi there neighbor!" greeted Missus Cartman.

Mistah Deidara then had to wait as she chatted to him about her life and other things related to such. During that time, the Turdyflies had enough time to get to the oxygen source, which was over the Cartman's residence. Spoiled little Eric _had_ to have an atmosphere filter surrounding their summer home so that Deidara's 'hippie' air keeps out.

"It was nice talking to you, child!" concluded Missus Cartman.

Finally, Deidara, irritated at the delay, impulsively let out a "KATSU!" which caused the TurdyFlies to explode in the Cartman residence. The flesh of the TurdyFlies (aka, poo) flew everywhere, some of which blasted, at high speed, _through_ Kenny, who happened to be the only one in the property at the time.

"Oh my God, they killed Kenny!" yelled Stan, as he rushed to the scene.

"You bastards!" replied Kyle.

"This is that entire hippie's fault!" accused Cartman.

"Now children, said Missus Cartman, "You know that it can't be his fault; he's really a nice guy. Besides, those wings in the debris tell us it's a bunch of TurdyFlies that so happened to fly in here."

There was a period of silence, as the residence looked and thought about the horrifying mess.

"With this mess, said Kyle, "It'll take the whole rest of the summer to clean it up!"

"Yes, replied Missus Cartman, "But our vacation doesn't end here, just because of that."

"It doesn't?"

"No dear. We'll just have to find a hotel and spend the rest of the time there."

"But _moooom_," whined Cartman, "I don't wanna spend sometime in a hotel with all the creepy insect and the minorities and the-!"

"Now, Eric," said Missus Cartman sternly.

And so, our South Park protagonists, one of which tried to chase their neighbor out, now had to set off to find a decent place to sleep and good food to eat. As for Mistah Deidara, the TurdyFly explosion caused a massive release of carbon dioxide from their bodies, which made the surrounding vegetation, including his six foot (two meter) grass, grew another six feet.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO (hmmm)!"

_La fin_


End file.
